(Intro.)
D’uh! Dah! Guh. Get him. Get him, Captain Kirk. Ah. You the man.
Oh! Oh! Rich! Rich! Rich! Star Wars! Star Wars! Star Wars! Spike TV! Spike TV! Spike TV!
What the heck, J-Man?
My show is on. My show is on.
I don’t care.
Give me the remote, Rich.
No, we are not watching Spike TV.
No. Look, I told you it is my turn.
The rules are I got control of the TV on the tour bus. You got control of the master suit to put sheets over heads of ladies and such.
Fine then. It’s like that? Imma battle you. “Star Wars” versus “Star Trek.”
“Star Trek” versus “Star Wars.” Let’s do this.
Alright. Let’s go.
Let’s go.
Let’s go.

(Hook.)
Trek-Trek-Trek Wars!
Shatner’s king of the stars.
I say Geordi, you say Levar.
And Picard is hard.
Trek Wars!
We got Obi and Yoda,
Droids and clone souljas!
Boy, it’s like I told ya!
Trek Wars!
Your girl’s beamin’ up Scotty.
Call me Rich Prophet, Riker,
Number one. You got me?
Trek Wars!
Wave my hand, and you believe me.
Your girls is green and teeny.
My girl’s in gold bikinis.

(Verse 1.)
Yeah.
Skywalker’s a pip squeak.
Picard is the hardest.
Recognize my Enterprise.
Hit you with my starship.
Flow while I bomb again
With the proton again.
Smoke you like some Romulan.
Never see yo’ mom again.
Plus I’m gonna smash again.
On you like Kardashian.
Oops! I meant Cardassian.
Never see yo’ ass again.
Plus I got Data
With his finger on the phaser.
I ain’t trippin’ on Vader.
He’s a hater.
See you later.
Your lack of faith’s disturbing.
Find your final frontier burning.
Got Picard froze hard in carbonite,
And Kirk and Spock be crawling like. . .
A Tribble
Made you piddle
On the floor. Oops! Did I scare you?
Through the air flew my lightsaber.
Now your phaser lays there.
Say your prayers.
See Spock start to cry now.
Federation lies down.
Hive of scum and villainy.
Force choke you, now you feelin’ me?
Let’s race to see who the boss is.
Kessel Run, twelve parsecs.
Face it, man. You lost it.
Second place: Rich Prophet.

(Hook.)
Trek Wars!
Shatner’s king of the stars.
I say Geordi, you say Levar.
And Picard is hard.
Trek Wars!
We got Obi and Yoda,
Droids and clone souljas!
Boy, it’s like I told ya!
Trek Wars!
Your girl’s beamin’ up Scotty.
Call me Rich Prophet, Riker,
Number one. You got me?
Trek Wars!
Wave my hand, and you believe me.
Your girls is green and teeny.
My girl’s in gold bikinis.

(Verse 2.)
Let’s smash upon J-Man again.
Emo like he’s Anakin.
Who’s my biggest fan again?
I’m Eminem. He’s Stan again.
Your life in my hand again.
Good thing that I’m so diplomatic.
Still I got Spock
With the glock,
And Sulu’s got the automatic.
Why’s Rich Prophet barking more?
I’d rather here Jarjar talk some more.
You roll with Data, you’re about to die.
Roll with Lando, drink Colt 45!
I’m a Sith Lord,
Star Destroyer,
Bounty Hunter,
Jedi Warrior.
Your Prime Directive,
Ineffective.
Futile like the Borg Collective.
Crystal clear, concentrated
Kill you with Dilithium.
Q has got a feud for you,
If you want a tiff with him.
Break you down and
Roll you up and
Burn you like a spliff,
And then
I gift wrap
Episode one and two,
Because I’m regifting them.
Ensign Prophet
Went and lost it,
Playin’ with his phaser
In the closet.
Ooh. Your crew.
Who’s that with you?
Whoopie!
The girls from “The View.”
This my song.
You just a Klingon
Makin’ entries in yo’ Captain’s Log.
Son, give it up.
Just don’t bother.
Everyone knows that
I’m your father.

(Hook.)
Trek Wars!
Shatner’s king of the stars.
I say Geordi, you say Levar.
And Picard is hard.
Trek Wars!
We got Obi and Yoda,
Droids and clone souljas!
Boy, it’s like I told ya!
Trek Wars!
Your girl’s beamin’ up Scotty.
Call me Rich Prophet, Riker,
Number one. You got me?
Trek Wars!
Wave my hand, and you believe me.
Your girls is green and teeny.
My girl’s in gold bikinis.
Trek Wars!

(Outro.)
I murdered you, son.
You are not my father, J-Man.